


Alis Volans Propriis

by KitKaos



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming of Age, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 15:50:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5592121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKaos/pseuds/KitKaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Learning to fly on our own wings and growing into ourselves is something that takes time and, sometimes, it’s all about the people we meet. Ryo has just started university and still needs to learn that lesson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alis Volans Propriis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lilly0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/gifts).



> Originally written for **lilly0** over at the K8 Exchange @LJ.
> 
> Dear , it is an honour to write for you and I sincerely hope you’ll enjoy reading this story as much as I did researching and writing it. It took me about three attempts to get the flow of the plot right and I’m still a bit unsure I didn’t go off on any tangents anywhere, and whether it all makes sense as it should. I didn’t want to temper with the boys’ ages too much, even though I tried to work in your professor/student prompt. Thank you to my amazing betas, M and L, and to the awesome mods for making this possible! ^^

Their first meeting was actually on Ryo’s very first day at university. Looking back now, it seems like a lifetime ago.

Back then, Ryo had just moved out of his parents’ home and onto campus. He remembers that it felt like freedom at last, even though he had given in to his dad and would go into Engineering, when Ryo would have preferred to pursue something in the direction of liberal arts. If he was honest with himself, though, he didn’t really know what to do with his life anyway. Apart from striking out on his own and, somehow, leaving his mark.

He had aced the entry exams and gotten into prestigious KJU – Kansai Jyan University –, and when he got there with his suitcase, the whole campus seemed like one gigantic colourful whirlwind of activity.

Of course he had heard of frosh week; he had gotten all kinds of well-meaning lists and advice. Things like: be positive; or, explore your surroundings; or even, step outside your comfort zone. Well, Ryo thought that getting out of his community, his circle of friends and especially his family was already a giant leap out of his comfort zone. And boy, was he being positive, considering his break-up with Yui had been just a couple of days earlier; he briefly wondered why he wasn’t exactly missing her.

To be fair, he didn’t have all that much time to miss her as soon as he approached KJU campus. There were stalls everywhere, left, right and centre: different groups of students – from fraternities to soccer, baseball, cheerleading and even bowling, to theater, book, chess and glee clubs. Music, cheers, school and hall songs… A storm of colours upon his eyes as well as his ears.

The way to his hall was lined with guys seemingly dyed purple from head to toe; several of them were holding their KJU jackets in hand and drumming a steady rhythm with them on the ground or against their thighs. Later he would learn that this was one of the long-standing Engineering traditions. Ryo’s steps slowed as he was watching this spectacular racket, eyes transfixed on blueish bronze biceps flexing in stark contrast to the clear blue skies above and redbrick buildings around them.

Too late did he register the shouting in his direction – a good-natured cry of, “Watch out!”

Something hit him in the shoulder, pain spreading across his side. A soccer ball?

“Hey, what… oomph!”

All the air in his lungs was forced out of him, a strangled yelp of surprise and pain leaving his lips, when something collided with him. Or rather, someone, from the feel of it as Ryo was tackled to the ground.

For a moment he was seeing stars dancing in front of his eyes. When the world came back into focus, his whole field of vision was filled with red. A naked torso, lean and well-built, warm and off-colour – maybe also dyed; the thought flitted through his mind and barely even registered. This one a vibrant crimson instead of purple. It looked a bit like bare muscles. The movement as whoever had run into Ryo made to get up only enhanced the effect, as did the slight sheen of sweat glistening in the sun.

At a click of the guy’s tongue Ryo noticed he had been staring and willed his eyes up to an angry-looking face.

“Just watch where you’re walking, will you.”

If he hadn’t been wearing such a look of sheer annoyance, red guy’s face could probably have been described as handsome: framed by shoulder-length black hair pulled back into a rugged ponytail, with high cheekbones and dark eyes. Now if only he wasn’t such a jerk…

(In time, Ryo would learn that annoyed or grumpy was basically the default setting for Subaru, at least when it came to outward appearance.)

“Are you saying I let you run into me on purpose?!” Ryo shot back as soon as he found his voice again, even though he still sounded a little flustered to his own ears.

What he got in reply was an eye-roll as the guy went to get the soccer ball that was lying a few feet away from them.

Ryo had been so intent on staring red guy down that he only registered someone else approaching him in a sprint when he was standing beside him already. One of the purple ones, although that one was still wearing his KJU jacket.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just grumpy he’s losing. I hope you’re okay?” Purple guy gestured toward red guy with an easy smile that grew wider as Ryo nodded. “Sorry for the involuntary ambush. I’m Shingo, by the way. You’re new on campus, aren’t you?”

Now that was an apology and a welcome Ryo could definitely live with. Almost automatically he answered with a smile of his own, “Yeah, I’m just starting out. I’m Ryo. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice meeting you, too, Ryo-kun. I’m one of the frosh leaders around here, so if you have any questions at all, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thanks. I will.”

“Okay, well, I’ll let you get back to moving into your dorm with that huge suitcase of yours. See you around.” And with that, Shingo gestured for red guy to toss him the ball and off he went again.

“Do watch out for more soccer balls, though.”

Maybe Ryo had just imagined red guy winking at him with those last words as he took off as well. He highly doubted the handsome jerk had done something like that – but even the possibility made him feel a slight tug on his heartstrings, which to his surprise wasn’t altogether unwelcome.

~&~

Puberty had come on pretty late for Ryo, and where he would only go through the motions before because everyone was doing it and it was just expected of him to do it too, he would just be ever more confused.

Until about age 16, he was a veritable midget, which girls would just find cute, in a wide-eyed puppy sort of way. So while his classmates were already busy playing the dating game, he wasn’t too upset about being a late-bloomer. And while Ryo did participate in trading porn with his friends, and while he did get quite a few chocolates on Valentine’s, the girls at his school seemed to wait for him to grow up, too.

So when that growth spurt finally hit, he felt like he eventually had to be a part of it all. Talking to girls seemed easy enough to do, so soon enough he was going steady with a girl from his class. Sure, kissing and touching was nice, no question, but dating and going out with girls felt exhausting in a way things like hanging out with his friends or even baseball practice never would.

So maybe he hadn’t found the right girl yet.

In a frenzied attempt to find that one girl he would finally feel all the butterflies and excitement with, Ryo went through several girlfriends in a rather short time.

Towards the end of high school, he had a sneaking suspicion that maybe it wasn’t the girls’ fault but his own. It was a very confusing realization, because it meant everything he had done up to that moment had been in vain. Could it really be? There had been guys he had wanted to be best friends with so badly, just to be close to them. His friends had sometimes jokingly called him a pervert for that, and he had laughed along. But… somehow he didn’t feel like laughing at all.

Ryo ended up with Yui, who was pretty close to perfect in her style and the way she dressed. Ryo liked her laugh and the spark in her eyes. They liked a lot of the same things, went shopping and to the movies together. Yet he knew that he wasn’t in love with her. Good friends, yes, probably. More? He didn’t know. And he didn’t exactly know how to deal with his feelings either. So he waited for the right moment – which of course never came. Just a few days before leaving for college, he apologized to Yui and broke up with her.

In the few days since he had arrived at KJU now he had found out that it was still a lot easier and less confusing to talk to girls he didn’t know than it was to talk to guys he hadn’t known since middle school. Which was just about what Ryo needed at the first big frosh party, even though that punch was definitely spiked.

Her name was Keiko and she was surprisingly easy to talk to, so falling back into acquired patterns felt way too reassuring for his own good. Admittedly, she was a damn good kisser. Ryo was trying to concentrate on this fact instead of the all-around wrong feel of her body against his. The alcohol was getting to his head and he had been feeling a bit lonely and homesick all day, so the spunky girl with the kissing skills was just about the right kind of wrong distraction. He didn’t even mind all too much when she was dragging him off to a dark storage room down the hall.

Only that it wasn’t empty – as soon as they had hurriedly opened and closed the door behind them, there was a surprised little gasp and the sound of some cans and boxes being hit before falling to the floor.

“Can’t you see we’re kind of busy here?” Ryo heard an impatient voice he remembered well. It was the red guy he had run into on his very first day. The memory still sent tingles down Ryo’s whole body and made his heart race even faster.

“Even I can’t see anything in here, Subaru, so chill. You guys wanna join?” chuckled another male voice – this one a lot more friendly and relaxed.

Ryo’s heartbeat practically went into overdrive. But not in embarrassment – maybe it was the alcohol that made him find this situation so interesting. Red guy – Subaru – was into guys, it seemed. A guy like him… The thought of Subaru’s naked red torso alone made Ryo swallow hard.

He could feel Keiko pulling from his embrace slightly, pushing him to leave and find another room. And Ryo knew he should just go and continue with her outside or wherever else, not anger red guy – Subaru – any further. But he didn’t move, wasn’t even sure his legs would carry him far enough as high on alcohol and shock as he still was. No, instead he asked boldly, “Wanna switch?”

It was Subaru he actually got an answer from. “What, and end up with you?”

The mocking note of his words stung. Better and quicker than any punch to the stomach, they took out all the air of Ryo.

“Go to hell,” he spat before he hurriedly stumbled out of the room.

~&~

One thing that Ryo still remembers vividly from those first, confusing days and weeks at KJU is how Hina – or back then he was still calling him Shingo – found him at that party and even managed to cheer him up again.

Keiko left him with a few well-placed expletives almost as soon as they had shut the door behind them again. For a while, Ryo was still feeling stunned and confused and irritated and instantly sobered up. Although he didn’t want to admit defeat in any way and go home already, he didn’t feel much like mingling again right away and so was keeping to the sidelines for the moment, watching.

It wasn’t long before he saw Keiko had found someone else to make out with – and Ryo was actually glad, both to be rid of her and to see her having found someone less shrewd she could have fun with. The guy she ducked around a corner and out of sight with was even one of their sempais, by the looks of it.

That’s when a plastic cup filled to the brim with punch appeared in his field of vision, offered to him by a smiling Hina. “You seem like you could use something to drink,” he said by way of greeting.

“Thanks.” Without another thought, Ryo grabbed the cup and took a hearty gulp from it. And while his fingers were drumming out the melody of the music against the thin plastic, he tried not to let on just how guilty and lost he was feeling at that moment. “It’s amazing how many people are at this party.”

“Well, it is the first big event of the season,” Hina smiled. “No one wants to miss out on that and everyone’s still looking to fit in somewhere with all the great possibilities and new people. I still remember my own frosh week. Heck, I was so nervous and excited I was drunk and puking my heart out by the time the party really took off.”

Even though Ryo thought this story wasn’t half as embarrassing as what had happened to him, he still laughed with Hina. It felt like the weight in his chest was lifting a bit and breathing became easier.

“So have you finished moving in yet? How do you like it?”

Ryo nodded, taking another swig of his punch. “Yeah, I got a bunch of lists from my brother’s girlfriend, of dorm essentials and stuff, so I think I’m all set. It’s… different from home. But I do like it. A lot.”

“That’s great to hear. First time away from home? What’s your major anyway?”

Another nod, another gulp. “Engineering. What about you?… This punch is good stuff.”

“Seriously?” It seemed like Hina could barely contain a laugh. “I guess it is. I’m in Engineering, too. I thought the purple dye had already given me away in that regard.”

There was a sudden gleam in his eyes Ryo didn’t know what to make of, but he decided not to dwell on it for too long. “So what’s that all about?”

“The purple stuff? Oh, you’ll see soon enough. It’s an old tradition with all those rituals from the olden days, and I promise it’ll be fun. I’m not allowed to tell you any more, though. What I can tell you, though, is that there will be soccer tryouts in a week and I’d love for you to be there.”

“Sure, why not. I’m not all that great at soccer, but I can try.”

It was only a couple of days later that Ryo did find out for himself what the purple was all about. The tradition was even older than the university itself: All the Engineering students would start out each year dyed purple, and all the Engineering froshs had to undergo dyeing as well – and the longer it took them to recite all those stupid pledges and hymns of the Engineers, the longer they had to stay in the dye and the harder it was to get that stuff off again.

Which was also why Ryo’s skin still had a slightly purple tint to it when he arrived at the university soccer field the week after.

“Hey hey, Ryo-kun, you really came.” Hina had started to jog towards him as soon as he had noticed Ryo. His large, happy smile was infectious. After all, he really seemed happy Ryo had come, which did make the latter’s stomach flutter slightly. It was a good start into his career as a student.

In his soccer jersey and shorts and with the purple dye gone, it was more than obvious how in shape Hina was. He probably had to be, if Ryo identified the captain’s armband he was wearing correctly.

Immediately laying an arm around Ryo’s shoulders, he steered him towards the pitch and tryouts began before Ryo really knew what was happening to him.

By the end of it, he was drenched in sweat, but he had made it onto the team. Watching Hina play was definitely an added bonus; the guy was a genius with a soccer ball. Well, Ryo would have the privilege a few times a week and he was looking forward to it.

“Good game, don’t you think? But never again tell me you’re not all that great, Ryo-kun.” Hina was still panting slightly from playing as he stowed away the net full of soccer balls in a small utility shed underneath the bleachers. “You go for the ball, no matter the possible outcome, you don’t stop where other players would.”

“You… really think so?” Ryo couldn’t believe that was a good thing, his brow furrowing.

But Hina wouldn’t have any of that. “Yeah, I think you’re pretty fearless. I like that.” The smile on his face was different somehow, softer and even a little bashful.

Fearless was a good compliment, one that made Ryo’s heart beat faster and his stomach flutter. So when Hina took a step toward him, entering Ryo’s space, his words were still echoing in his mind – and made him stand his ground and not step back.

“I like you.” The admission made Ryo’s heart leap into his throat.

It’s the details of that moment he still remembers: How Hina’s cuticles and the skin under his nails were still purple even when he had long since scrubbed the dye off the rest of his body; Ryo probably noticed when Hina’s hands were on the wood of the shed to either side of Ryo’s head. How he could feel Hina’s body heat even through their clothes, even before they touched; and how it made Ryo’s heart flutter in excited anticipation. How their kiss felt so similar and still so very different from kissing a girl; Hina’s lips felt hot against his.

In the days, weeks and months that followed, Ryo never once voiced that Hina was the first man he had kissed; after a while, though, he felt that he didn’t need to. They would just hook up after soccer practice, shower and hang out at Hina’s place. Sometimes Ryo would leave soon, sometimes he would stay. Somehow it felt like the natural flow of things, as little experience as he had to go by. But for the first time in his life, during those short evenings together, he felt at home with another person. He wanted to be his best.

Yet Ryo never talked to anyone about whatever it was he had with Hina.

When eventually Hina told him that he had met someone else and he was truly sorry, Ryo experienced heartbreak for the first time: He couldn’t tell anyone, after all. It felt like he would have to start from square one again, all confused and not sure at all how to handle himself.

~&~

By the beginning of his second year, Ryo had finally made the switch from Engineering to Music, with a minor in Business Development.

Coming from the technical mindset of Engineering, he expected to find yet another set of long-standing traditions, especially being dyed red at the beginning of the year after he had found out, coincidentally, that Subaru was studying Music as well. None of that awaited him, though. No one ran around all crimson, even though there were a lot of songs and cheers to be learned. Ryo didn’t mind, though, as he found the whole atmosphere and pace to be a lot more rewarding for him as a person.

His dad, though, had been less than enthusiastic about his choice and reduced any financial help towards his son to a bare minimum.

So, as happy and liberating as his new major felt to Ryo, he would have to work part-time to be able to afford tuition, books and living expenses. And thanks to a good friend’s family relations, he had started at the café on campus. Ryo had met Pi in his English 100 class and they had since formed a study group together with Jin, becoming close friends amazingly quickly. Pi’s aunt ran the café and had been looking for help anyway. Ryo was truly grateful for the job.

“You know, I could have used the time to invite Meisa-chan out for a late lunch or something. Instead, I’m wasting it here with you guys, staring at some random dude.”

“Shhh, stop whining,” Pi hissed quietly and elbowed Jin to shut him up.

Ryo nodded and just wished his friends knew how to whisper. If they carried on like this, Subaru would know he was being watched. “You wouldn’t have had the guts to ask that girl out anyway,” he added, irritated, in Jin’s direction while he was pouring another round of coffee.

“Look who’s talking. At least I’m not a creepy stalker.”

“I’m not a… All right, so maybe I like looking at the guy. But he’s an asshole.” Ryo huffed at Jin.

In a quiet corner of the café, Subaru was sitting with his acoustic guitar, seemingly lost in thought while quietly playing and scribbling on a piece of paper from time to time. The tall macchiato on the tabletop in front of him had long gone cold.

“Can you two just let it go already?” Pi shushed.

The look Jin was giving Pi was challenging. “I can if Ryo can.”

Ryo just nodded, even though his friends’ words barely registered. The look on Subaru’s face was calm, peaceful, even happy – not for the first time Ryo wondered if the guy could really be such an asshole.

“You know, you should just be a good waiter and go over there; I’m sure he’ll want some more coffee or something to eat. I mean, he’s been like this at least since we dropped by earlier already, right? Does he even know where he is?” Jin nudged him with a sly grin.

When Ryo looked at his friends incredulously, he could see the sly grin mirrored on Pi’s boyish features.

“You guys wanna make me go over there, right?” Ryo’s eyes wandered between the two when all he got was nodding. “Why?”

“See it this way, Ryo-chan—“ Jin stopped making himself a sandwich to pat him on the shoulder. Ryo didn’t like the feigned innocence in his voice. “Your asshole musician over there can’t possibly be that bad if you’re still watching. And yes, he probably does look good, but that’s a reason for an evening, not for weeks on end. So how about I bet you a bottle of the best vodka that I’ll have asked Meisa-chan out sooner than you have talked to that guy. And Pi will have asked that cute French exchange student for her number sooner than you have talked to your guy, too.”

“Wow, thanks for not forgetting me, man.” Pi rolled his eyes.

Jin flashed Pi a wide grin. “You’re most welcome.”

Ryo actually had to stifle a laugh at that – only to feel a sudden nervousness take hold of him full force again. He wasn’t sure if talking to Subaru would be a good idea, but if he said as much, he was pretty certain his two friends would laughingly call him a coward and worse. Why the hell was it so hard to approach Subaru anyway?!

Well, for one there was their drunken frosh party run-in…

No, no no no. Ryo was fearless; it was his best quality. He just had to remind himself of that. It was just a stupid talk – and an even more stupid bet. He would win that shit!

“All right. I just have to go talk to him, right? And I get a bottle of vodka?”

“Exactly.” Jin sighed dramatically, but was giving Ryo a thumbs-up right after.

Jaw set, Ryo took the plate with Jin’s finished sandwich – not without protest, which made him grin – and a mug of coffee and set out for Subaru’s corner table. The closer he got, though, the more he was slowing down to listen to the soft progression of notes and chords Subaru’s fingers were teasing from the strings of his guitar.

When Ryo eventually set the food down in front of him, Subaru didn’t even look up. “I didn’t order that.”

“No, I know you didn’t, but I thought you could use it.”

That did make him look up at Ryo, questioningly meet his gaze. For an instant, he could see recognition flash in Subaru’s eyes and he could feel his heart miss a beat in fear – what did Subaru remember? That first day? The night of that first party? Ryo fought down the urge to run.

But when Subaru answered eventually his voice was quiet instead of angry. “Thank you… I guess I tend to tune out everything around me when I’m writing.”

“You’re welcome.” Ryo smiled and there was a warm, pleasant flutter against his ribcage. “So what are you writing on? It did sound great.”

“A new song for my band,” Subaru announced proudly, even though his hands were positioned in a way so that Ryo couldn’t see any of his scribbles. “Although I’m just not happy with it yet.”

Ryo nodded, a thought forming that he at once dreaded and burned to voice. “Do you think I could borrow your guitar for a sec?” He almost stumbled over the words.

For a long second, Subaru just seemed skeptical, looking Ryo up and down.

Ryo didn’t dare breathe, leave alone chance a glance over his shoulder at Jin and Pi, who were most probably watching closely. They had to have a field day with his nervous babbling. At least he caught himself in time and stopped worrying his bottom lip before anyone noticed.

Eventually, though, Subaru nodded. “Be my guest. You do know how to play guitar, don’t you?”

“I do.” With that, Ryo grabbed himself a chair and took the offered guitar. Just once, he played each string separately to get a feeling for the very sound of this guitar. Then he tried to recreate what he had heard Subaru play earlier to play it back to him.

It felt reassuring to be able to concentrate on making music. Of course, he could still feel Subaru’s eyes on him, but that was more like a side note while he changed keys to find just the right kind of variation on the fresh melody. “So how about a key change here and a fifth here and here?”

When he didn’t get an answer right away, Ryo stopped strumming and looked up. What he saw in Subaru’s eyes – surprise, respect, gratitude – was tugging at his heartstrings; all of a sudden, he felt warm and fuzzy and at the same time extremely self-conscious.

“You do know your music,” Subaru eventually nodded.

“Erm… yeah… I do… but… I have to go now. See you around.” And Ryo hastily made for his escape, as embarrassing at this was – but it was better than to fumble his way through a freaking hard-on. Fuck it!

At least he had won that vodka, even if Jin and Pi wouldn’t let him hear the end of it for quite a while. Maybe he should just keep his distance for a while, until this incident, too, was forgotten by all parties involved.

~&~

Funnily enough, when Ryo moved into another hall in his third year and met his new roommate, he immediately recognized the guy’s voice. Yasu had been Subaru’s make-out partner during that memorable first frosh party; and even though Ryo found he had come a long way from the complex-ridden teenager from back then, he still felt embarrassed around Yasu.

Only that Yasu wouldn’t let him.

“Don’t worry, Ryo-tan. It was funny and Shibu-yan can be an asshole to just about anyone sometimes. Though, you know… I couldn’t help but wonder what you meant by ‘Wanna switch’.”

“I… didn’t mean… anything?” Ryo forced out each and every single syllable. He had not expected Yasu to be so straight-forward about it all, when it had been such a big deal for Ryo.

That was when he found Yasu’s head resting on his shoulder, a soft chuckle beside his ear. “So who did you have the hots for? Shibu-yan or me? And who did you want Daigo’s chick to end up with? I promise I won’t tell anyone. And I won’t be mad either.”

Ryo’s heart was leaping into his throat with every heartbeat and he was sure his face was a bright red right now. Of course he had pondered those questions himself time and again, and he wasn’t even sure any more if he would have liked to make out with Subaru or Yasu. So how could he even begin to tell his roommate, who at this very moment was highly irritating.

“I don’t know, okay? It’s been so long and I was drunk and young and… Can we please just not talk about it anymore?”

“Sure.” Yasu left his head where it was, on Ryo’s shoulder. “But really, just forget it. Instead, why don’t you come hear us play? We’ve never played any better.”

Yasu was a musical genius, Ryo had soon learned. He was part of several bands on campus and spent most of his free time playing the guitar or composing on it. So if Yasu said things like that, ambitious music student Ryo’s ears did perk up – in addition to him being simply glad about the change of topic, of course.

“All right, I’ll go. But only to hear you guys play and I’ll be gone afterwards again; I still have a twenty-page essay to hand in.” He sighed. It was a stupid excuse and Pi or Jin would have called Ryo out on it – thing was, he knew neither of them would be at the party, while both Yasu and Subaru would be, and that was already making him uncomfortable as hell.

The smile he got from Yasu as he drew back was almost blinding, setting Ryo’s stomach in all kinds of knots welcome and unwelcome.

This feeling only grew when Ryo watched the band play. He stubbornly tried to keep his focus on Yasu, who looked radiant and so completely at home on stage in his colourful shirt and skin-tight jeans.

So did Subaru, but Ryo would never ever acknowledge that. He was not here to watch Subaru, but because he had promised Yasu. Still, he caught his gaze wandering more than once.

When the gig was over and another band started setting up on stage Ryo decided on a whim that he would wait for Yasu. Their music had been surprisingly fun at times and amazingly deep at others, so he wanted to thank his roommate for talking him into coming. His ears were still ringing slightly from the bass and his throat felt slightly sore from shouting and cheering and singing along; the marks of a good concert.

“Ryo-tan, you’re still here. Awesome. So, how did you like it?” Yasu had obviously showered and gotten changed when he made a beeline for Ryo, the rest of the band not far behind him.

“You were right. You guys are awesome and I had a great time, so thank you.” Ryo smiled happily.

Yasu gestured to his ears that he hadn’t heard Ryo, and before he could repeat what he had said, Yasu just leaned in close. Close enough so Ryo could feel Yasu’s breath on his collarbone; it made the small hairs on his neck stand on end and a pleasant shiver run down his neck.

“You’re welcome. I couldn’t leave you at home, though, could I? You’re way too cute when you’re embarrassed.” When their eyes met for a long second, Yasu’s dark eyes were sparkling from their depths.

And before he could do anything else, Ryo could feel Yasu’s lips against his, soft and warm and coaxing his mouth open slowly.

Maybe at that moment, they both had the same thought running through their heads: Let’s find out what he really meant at that frosh party a couple of years earlier! It felt good. Ryo reciprocated, his hands moving around Yasu’s slim hips to draw him closer.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ryo could hear a couple of cheers that only made him deepen the kiss even more.

A few minutes later they broke apart, both gasping for air.

“Wow,” Ryo muttered. He still felt a little dazed, so all he could do was nod when Yasu proposed to go get them something to drink.

Until there was Subaru right in front of him, looking his usual annoyed self, gaze following Yasu’s back for a few seconds before it came to rest on Ryo. “I need to talk to you.”

“What’s that? Jealous boyfriend?” The words were out before Ryo could bite them back; it was childish and he felt sorry for them almost instantly.

So when Subaru turned to find somewhere a little more quiet, he just sighed and followed.

“Just to be clear, Yassan is a very good friend,” Subaru turned and started without preamble. “So I had actually wanted to say sorry for that stupid hurtful comeback at your frosh party. Yassan told me about it. But quite honestly, it was a stupid line from your end, too, and not worth fretting over for years. What kind of a spoiled brat are you?” He sighed, but plowed on, evenly and with an honesty Ryo had never encountered before. “Sorry I hurt your feelings. And thank you for helping me with the song the other day. I did incorporate all of your suggestions.”

For what felt like an eternity, Ryo could only stare. Should he feel even more hurt at that moment? The guy had insulted him in the same breath he had apologized. So which was it – insult or apology? It probably was childish to have borne a grudge all this time, for a few words spoken in anger. To be so hung up on someone he neither really knew nor had much to do with.

When Subaru turned to leave, something in Ryo’s head clicked. Had he seriously wondered who he had meant by his brash question, who he had wanted to be with? It had been Subaru – and it still was, even more so now that he was more than just a pretty face.

“Wait.” His voice sounded hoarse to his own ears.

When Subaru did, though, anything Ryo might have wanted to say left him. Eyes wide open and pleading, feeling lost, he was just standing there.

A small smile flitted across Subaru’s handsome features as he closed the distance between them and softly, gently kissed Ryo. “Let’s just forget any of this ever happened, okay?”

~&~

What Ryo hadn’t realized was that at some point Subaru had changed sides – from student to teacher. Both Yasu and Hina had to have known, but neither had said anything; even Subaru’s band was carrying on like nothing had changed, except for a couple of replacements (for those already graduated and not staying at KJU): Maruyama on bass had already played a few gigs with them before; Ohkura on drums was a Business major and Ryo’s junior.

So it was only when the lecture started and Subaru entered to march toward the desk in front with purposeful strides that Ryo recognized his mistake. He gulped involuntarily as his eyes followed Subaru. He looked stunningly different, but in the best way possible. He looked good, Ryo thought. The long hair had been cropped close to his head, almost a bit too short, and Ryo could make out a slight goatee.

Had someone asked him later what the lecture was about, he would not have been able to answer despite his best efforts to be the best student possible. Several times Subaru’s eyes met Ryo’s, and whenever they did, he could feel a spark travelling between them.

Yes, Ryo was having it bad for teacher.

He knew – had known ever since that stupid kiss. And he was amazed at how much of a crush he could actually admit to now. To himself, at least – he would probably never tell Subaru any of this out loud and was glad Subaru did not seem the type to coax it out of him.

One time, though, Ryo did come close.

After a few group sessions covering theory, individual recitals and tutoring sessions were scheduled for the practical part of the lecture. When it was Ryo’s turn he had been asked to meet Subaru in his small office on the top floor of the Music building, his guitar at the ready.

At his knock on the door, all he got was a short, “Come in.”

Ryo entered the office, guitar case in hand. “Good afternoon, Shibutani-sensei.”

Subaru was sitting on his desk, his own guitar in his lap, fingers idly strumming. At the formal greeting, he raised one eyebrow. “Are you really gonna call me that?”

“This is class, so I thought I should.” Plus, this way it was easier not to acknowledge their proximity due to the small space.

He got an amused grin in reply. “All right, Nishikido-kun, so let’s get this class over with. Just start whenever you’re ready.”

The recital itself was no big deal; there was always room for improvement; that’s why they were here. It was when Ryo had put his guitar back in its case that things took an interesting turn.

“Ryo, do you have a few more minutes? I wanted you to hear the finished song. The one you helped me with.” Subaru met his gaze head on and Ryo felt like he could look all the way into his soul.

Ryo had to swallow hard, an excited little flutter in his chest. “Yeah, sure.”

Subaru’s voice filled the room as he started to sing of life and memories and dreams, strumming away on his guitar. He recognized the parts he had helped to shape such a long time ago, before it had all come together – without even knowing what the song would be about, he realized. It hit Ryo right through the heart.

The song never finished as, measure by measure, Subaru closed the distance between them, a wicked little grin on his handsome face. “You know, I actually wanted to write something sexier, but then you came along and turned it all mushy and philosophical instead. So I think you owe me. Also for all those not-so-hidden glances in class.”

With that Subaru straddled Ryo on his chair, lips pressing hungrily against his and fingers already busy taking off Ryo’s shirt.

All of Ryo’s fears, hopes and dreams seemed to converge into that one single instant in time. Naked and vulnerable before each other, there was no hiding any more. Talking was overrated, though, when there were so many other uses for one’s tongue…

Neither of them would talk about it – Ryo because he feared he would destroy what they had, Subaru… He reasoned that it probably was because Subaru was a teacher now and could be fired if they were found out.

Still, they kept on seeing each other, kissing, touching, sleeping with each other, on and off campus. Subaru would invite Ryo to his place. Or they would just wait until all the other students had gone home and then lock the door to Subaru’s office behind them. Sometimes Ryo would tell Subaru to wait until the café was closing.

Of course Pi and Ryo noticed. As a matter of fact, so did Yasu.

Back when he had been dating Hina, Ryo had not wanted to come out to anyone. Now, with Subaru, he felt different despite similar circumstances. He would have shouted it from the rooftops if it had been safe to do so. So he told his friends, swearing them to secrecy, but secretly grateful to be able to talk to them and just hang out like they always did, without having to hide anything.

It felt like coming home.

~&~

It would only be several days later that Ryo could believe his undergraduate days were over.

At the time, he was mostly tired from partying all night, drunk and slightly queasy from all the booze, and his biggest concern was that he couldn’t remember what had happened to his pants.

Thank goodness he still had his cap and gown. No one would notice, he was sure. Not that anyone had any business being out and about at… almost morning. Dude, Ryo had never realized the campus was this huge – although it could be that he had to concentrate on every single step he was taking and that was why it felt so far and long.

He had already hugged a stupidly drunk Pi and an even drunker (was that even a word?) Jin goodbye for the night and was now on his way to Subaru’s place. There were several things he needed to ask and he figured there was no time like the present.

After ringing the bell Ryo listened to his heartbeat pounding in his ears, counting and recounting. What was taking Baru so long anyway?

When he finally heard his voice through the intercom system. “Who is it?”

“Baru~, let me in. It’s me, Ryo~.”

Ryo was waiting for an answer, but instead the door buzzed open. So he made his way up to Subaru’s apartment. A sleepy-looking Baru was waiting in the door for him; it made Ryo smile brightly and his heart pound in his chest happily.

“You’re drunk,” Subaru snorted sarcastically and looked him up and down.

“I’m a bachelor.” Okay, that announcement may have been a bit too loud, but at least it made Subaru pull Ryo into his apartment with him.

When he had locked the door again behind them, Subaru turned to face Ryo again. “So, congratulations, Ryo-kun.” There was a smile on his face. “But that’s not why you’re here in the middle of the night, is it?” Without waiting for an answer he went ahead into the living room to unceremoniously flop down on his vintage couch.

Ryo followed, positioning himself on the sofa so that his head was lying in Subaru’s lap.

“Well… partly.” But even in his inebriated state he realized he couldn’t just come right out with what he wanted to tell Subaru. Drunken confessions weren’t to be trusted. He had to wait and sober up a little – with the staccato his heart was pounding out right now, it couldn’t be that long, could it? “Why did you have to be such an angry, red, shirtless ass when we first met?” It was the first question that came to his mind.

As Ryo watched Subaru’s face draw together in a dark frown, he was almost sure he would be thrown out again. But after a beat or two, Subaru actually laughed. “Idiot. You were ruining my groove. Of course I was pissed off. Seriously, though…” His face turned more pensive again. “You know me by now. I was… in a bad place at the time.”

“Eh? You were?” Ryo couldn’t stop the words before they were out.

Subaru just nodded, his eyes a little melancholic.

“Can I blow you?” Ryo realized he meant it, but another pressing thought was storming into his mind. “Oh, but before I forget: Why were you red? No one else was.”

That did earn him a vicious glint in Subaru’s eyes and a guttural chuckle. “I lost a stupid bet to Hina. When I said Engineering was easier than studying Music, he quizzed me. I barely made it beyond the first equation. So I made good on my end of the bet and let him dye me fucking crimson.”

“He can be quite the sadist, can’t he.” Ryo chuckled and closed his eyes, satisfied that he finally got an answer to a question that had been bugging him for years…

When he woke with a start, he grimaced at the light that was filtering through the half-drawn blinds. It was morning – or more probably noon – already.

Where was he? Oh, right, at Subaru’s place… The events of last night, of his graduation and the subsequent resolve to talk to Subaru, were coming back to him. Subaru was still sitting on the couch, eyes closed and head resting back against the fluffy cushions, although… Ryo exhaled slowly at the realization of what had woken him: Subaru’s hand had wandered underneath Ryo’s graduation gown, between his legs and was massaging his dick slowly.

So that sneaky ass was awake, too. “Good morning,” Subaru all but purred.

“Morni’… wait wait wait!” Ryo sat up hastily. Something! There was something he needed to tell Subaru. if only it wasn’t so hard to concentrate…

“What the hell?!”

“There’s… I…” Ryo fumbled for words as he was getting his breathing under control. “Baru, listen first, okay?”

Subaru raised an eyebrow, but stayed motionless.

It was now or never, Ryo knew. He needed to get it all out, ideally without stumbling over his own words: “I’ve graduated. That means I’m not your student anymore. And I want this. Us. But I’m through with pining after you. I’m through with hiding things. I want a real relationship with you. There, I said it.”

~&~

Their first meeting was actually on Ryo’s very first day at university. Looking back now, it seems like a lifetime ago. That’s when it all started.

It took four long years to even find each other. And looking back, the Ryo from back then was a very different person from the Ryo he is now, not least of all thanks to Subaru. Probably the Subaru from back then was also very different from the person he has grown into.

It’s more by accident that Ryo has found their old photo albums during spring cleaning. Before he knew it, he has been leafing through them for the better part of three hours. The memories from Ryo’s time at KJU still feel so fresh and vivid…

Subaru is still teaching at KJU while climbing the stony slope of recognition and success with his band. Ryo meanwhile has scored a job with Kitagawa Recording Studios. Sometimes Ryo will try his hand at writing a song for the band, too. Oftentimes, Subaru will only perform that song once, but there are a couple of Ryo’s songs and quite a few collaborations between the two of them that have made it into the band’s regular playlist. It’s something to be proud of.

The sex has only gotten better over time, as they have learned each other’s tastes and kinks. They both have a sadistic streak in them, but can be extremely tender and affectionate, too. That’s part of what keeps it interesting.

Ultimately, it’s all about trust and helping each other grow.

Life is good.


End file.
